


A Meet Cute Only Works If It's Cute

by IKillShipsNotPeople



Series: Unconnected Clint Coulson Ficsssssssssssssss [1]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - BDSM, Awesome Clint Barton, Cute, Dom Clint Barton, Dom Melinda May, Hot Clint Barton, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Idiots in Love, Idiots on a First Date, M/M, Meet-Ugly, Melinda May Doesn't Dance, Melinda May Likes Fashion, Minor, Minor Andrew Garner/Melinda May, Minor Lance Hunter/Bobbi Morse, POV Phil Coulson, Party, Sub Phil Coulson, Well - Freeform, cute Phil Coulson, so very, very
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2020-06-17
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:13:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24772945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IKillShipsNotPeople/pseuds/IKillShipsNotPeople
Summary: “Baby I could suck your blood,” said Clint with a terribly pretty smile and a wink.AKA: Everything works out in the end, but these two are idiots.
Relationships: Clint Barton/Phil Coulson
Series: Unconnected Clint Coulson Ficsssssssssssssss [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1791658
Comments: 3
Kudos: 45





	A Meet Cute Only Works If It's Cute

“Come on Phil, you have to go,” said Melinda, and Phil really, really, didn’t know why she cared so much. “Everyone will be there.”

“Why do you want to go? You  _ hate _ dancing,” said Phil. Everyone knew the story of the time at the academy where she passed out of dancing by teaching the teacher a new style of dance called kick-boxing, but for some reason she wanted to go. And because she was the only person in SHIELD he trusted to be his patron-dom (he wasn’t ever going to ask Fury), he had to go.  _ Joy _ .

“Here, wear this,” deflected Melinda like some fourteen-year-old asked about her crush, not an international super spy, but whatever. She thrust a charcoal sweater at him, and he dutifully pulled it over his white dress shirt. He had on his dark jeans, nice and tight, the ones that had made him blush when she dragged him out of Dolce and into Macys. No one ever believed him when he said she had a sense of style. That she was a stone cold badass that could beat you up with a hockey puck? Yes. That she drowned puppies and ate them for breakfast? Yes. But try as he might, nobody believed that she was the one to make him look nice occasionally.

“No seriously, why do you want to go so bad?” asked Phil.

“Interdepartmental cooperation,” deadpanned Melinda. But it had a hint of the truth in it, so Phil kept pushing.

“So it’s someone in another department, huh?” asked Phil, and he realized his mistake when she launched her water bottle at him. He flicked it out of the way, and it landed upright on the table.

“No it’s the holidays, time to get into the spirit,” said Melinda, just as deadpan.

“Come on, Melinda, you know of all my crushes, tell meeeeeeeeeeeee,” he whined, in the way he would only do around a few people.

“You don’t have any crushes,” said Melinda.

“Captain America,” he crowded triumphantly. She rolled her eyes at him.

MWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMW

Phil sighed as he looked around the party.

He sighed again. He did that a lot. Too much, probably, but he couldn’t help it. He surveyed the party again. Most people seemed focused on Bobbi, she was having her annual break-up with her boyfriend. Phil was one of the few people who realized that this idiot was the same idiot he had to make small talk with a year ago. Still, it made for a good cover for him to sneak out under.

His eyes meticulously avoided the door, landing on Jasper’s to stay away from Melinda, who always managed to find out if he was leaving unless he flat ignored her. He made aggressive eye contact with Jasper as he edged his way to the door, only to remember why he generally kept his eyes where he was going as he bumped into someone else. Hard.

“Ow, what the fuck man,” said a voice, and Phil turned to that voice to realize it belonged to a really, really, hot man.  _ Those biceps _ .

“Sorry, sorry,” said Phil, looking up at the hot man. He held up his hands in the universal  _ don’t shoot _ . He wasn’t shy, but he was at least relaxed, and he hoped that would do something to soothe the dom. Which, speaking of, there was no way this man wasn’t a dom. Phil could be passive aggressive, quite well if he did say so himself, but the way this man was glaring said full on aggressive, which was at contrast with his faded purple shirt.

“No, it’s okay,” said the man, and in an instant he shifted from pissed off dom to normal human being with only a hint of anger. His formerly icy eyes when soft around the edges, and his posture shifted without actually moving that much.

“I should have been looking where I was going, sorry, I was just trying to get out of here,” said Phil, and surprisingly the hot man laughed.

“Me too,” said the hot man, still chuckling. “My handler, Agent Sitwell if you know him, dragged me here in an attempt for me to meet SHIELD agents without pissing them off. But so far all I’ve done is wish for my bow.”

It was Phil’s turn to bark out a laugh. Melinda turned to look at him as he did, but he ignored her. “I do know Jasper, we were in the academy together. You’re the new recruit he’s always jabbering about.”

“All good things, I hope,” said the other man. Agent Barton, if he remembered.

Phil paused. Most of what he remembered from what Jasper had said was not under that category. He made a weak smile. The pause grew.

“Maybe ask Agent Sitwell?” He tried because he was  _ not _ going to be the person to piss off a scary secret agent dom with those kinds of muscles.

“That bad, huh?” asked Agent Barton, but he was laughing. Phil still winced a little. “Agent Clint Barton.”

“Phil Coulson,” he said. Barton’s face did a little scrunch up that said he knew Coulson’s name. Or, at least, he knew of Sitwell’s friends.

He mentally catalogued everything that went well in the conversation. One, he ran into a hot dom. Two, he wasn’t overly upset about it. Three, he was reasonably funny. Four, did Phil mention he was hot? Five, he was SHIELD. That was one more thing than he usually needed on his checklist.

“So, Agent Barton-”

Agent Barton cut him off. “Clint, please.”

“Phil, then. Do you want to go get dinner sometime?” asked Phil nervously.  _ No time like the present? _

“I don’t eat,” came Clint’s prompt reply.

Phil blinked at the man. He blinked again. “Are you a vampire?”

Clint blushed. It was suspiciously charming. Phil wanted it to happen again. “No, sorry, I’m just… according to Sitwell I’m allergic to a lot of things, and he said I wasn’t allowed to eat anything he hadn’t cleared, so when you said dinner I thought no I can’t do dinner but I didn’t want to let you down because you’re cute so I said I didn’t eat, which, in hindsight, was probably a worse idea than just explaining things.”

“Well that’s good,” said Phil blandly.

“What’s good?”

“That you’re not a vampire,” said Phil. “I’m not into the whole bloodsucking thing.”

“Baby I could suck your blood,” said Clint with a terribly pretty smile and a wink.

Phil stared at him deadpan for at least two seconds, before bursting out in laughter. “That was terrible.”

“Sorry, sorry,” said Clint. “My friend is always telling me I need a brain, but who needs a brain when you can make cute guys laugh?”

Huh, interesting phrasing, didn’t draw attention to the fact that Phil was a sub. He’s a good one. Another thing to add to the checklist.

“Back to the point,” said Phil, because the hot dom thought he was cute. “A date?”

“That would be lovely,” said Clint, with a soft smile that Phil wants to reserve for lazy Saturdays and playing board games. Phil smiles back. Phil turned to look at Melinda, to tell her he was leaving but he got a date. She was smiling a little at someone, though, her real smile, so she decided to leave her to it.

_ Phil Coulson’s List for Why He Should Go On A Date With The Hot Guy: _

_ 1\. He’s a hot dom. _

_2\. He didn’t react too poorly to being ran into._

_3\. He's funny._

_4\. He’s very hot._

_5\. He’s SHIELD._

_6\. His blush is charming._

_7\. He does terrible pickup lines._

_8\. He thinks of Phil as a person before a sub._

_9\. He thinks Phil is cute._

**Author's Note:**

> And Christmas music played lightly in the background. This might................. become a series. Please tell me if there are any inaccuracies. Or if there was any way this couldn't have technically happened, outside of the AU.
> 
> Coments and Kudos are treasured.


End file.
